The first few years of my life were traumatic and very frightening. My birth mother abandoned me when I was only five days old. I became a ward of the state living at first in an orphanage. She would not put me up for adoption, saying she wanted to come back for me but time wore on. I was in limbo, not being allowed to be put into a stable home.
I did not develop well in the orphanage so a doctor said I should be placed in foster care so to foster care I went. All I remember from all of this was fear, pain and terror. At one point I stopped eating until I got used to my new environment. Finally my birth mother allowed me to be put up for adoption. (I know this because I had my adoption records opened and read them. I needed closure on why I was given away)
I was adopted into a home when I was a little less than 2 years old. I remember the fear. I would not let my new adoptive mother touch me. I would scream and run from her. They told her it was probably because she reminded me of someone who had mistreated me, but as time wore on, I finally warmed up to her.
Unfortunately in the 1950’s child psychology was not as well advanced as it is today with all of the helpful counseling services that are available now. I don’t think my new mother knew how to handle or help a troubled child. I somehow never felt deeply loved or wanted inside my new home. I look back and realize I suffered from anxiety and depression both as a child.
But and this is a big but, I always even as a young child could feel a presence with me. I can remember being able to lay down in the grass, look up and feel a powerful presence with me. I believe it was the presence of the living God. Doesn’t He say Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you.
Anyway enough for today. May God bless you and your family and friends!