Hell and then a Touch

Screenshot from Dante’s Inferno video game

I started life as an orphan. My birth mother would not give me up for adoption so I was kept in the system sort of in limbo. My first home was an orphanage, but because I was not developing well I was then put into foster care. Before the age of two I was moved around at least 3 to 4 times. It was like being in hell. I felt like an unwanted piece of human garbage. I have known a total vacuum of love or lovelessness. Fear, pain and despair were the emotions I remember best.

I did later get adopted, but my adoptive mother did not quite know how to deal with a damaged child. She was an emotionally troubled person herself so I did not get the healing I needed. I carried over the same damage and emotional problems into my adulthood.

As problems came, and they come to all of us, I did not know how to deal with them very well at times. I felt very empty on the inside. I remember praying very deeply at times. God heard those prayers. I at one time had decided to fast for the first time in my life and did it to honor God’s goodness in my life. I don’t know why He decided to do what He did except out of the goodness of His heart.

The night of the fast I was suddenly awake in the middle of the night. The intense heat started at the top of my head and slowly went down until it engulfed my whole body. I lost all physical sensation. I was aware only of the beating of my heart. It lasted for about a few minutes and then slowly subsided until it was completely gone. I have never experienced anything like it ever again with any of my other fasting. I believe God touched me that night. Out of the kindness of his heart. I was going through a very dark time in my life. I feel He did it to encourage me when I needed it most.

In your darkest times, place yourself into the hands of the living God. He loves you more than anyone else ever will. Praise God!!!

A Dance

Early this morning, God gave me another impression, or vision, no matter what word you want to use for it. He has been so kind to me. I think possibly because of how devastating my childhood felt. He has the kindest heart in all of creation and existence.

I was already awake. I have just come off of five years of cancer treatments in which I have had to have several major surgeries. My surgical site is still a little sore, and this wakes me up at night sometimes. I was awake, and I could hear the tune to a waltz running through my mind. God gave me the impression of dancing with Him in a small ballroom. There were a few other people there. We were dancing on the dance floor. I was dressed in a long, but simple white dress. My hair which is naturally dark was more of a blonde color and held back in one long braid. He just kept dancing me around the room. The room was edged by columns and full of light. I could feel this deep sense of peace, wholeness completeness. It was wonderful!

I woke up with still the same deep sense of peace. I do not know why people do not want to believe that somewhere in the universe is someone that wants to love them that deeply and completely. Why would you not want to believe in a beautiful, wonderful loving Heavenly Father? That has always mystified me.

A Return

In Revelation, Christ returns to reap His harvest. Rev. 14: 14-16 I looked and there before me was a white cloud, and seated on the cloud was one like a son of man with a crown of gold on his head and a sharp sickle in his hand. Then another angel came out of the temple and called in a loud voice to him who was sitting on the cloud, “Take your sickle and reap, because the time to reap has come, for the harvest of the earth is ripe.” So he who was seated on the cloud swung his sickle over the earth, and the earth was harvested.

Christ has promised He will return, and this time He will not come back as a poor, beaten-down carpenter. He is returning as the Alpha and the Omega, the Ruler of the Universe in all His full glory.

The wonderful thing about our God is that He is Holy, Majestic and Glorious, powerful enough to speak, breathe, a universe into existence but wants to love us!! He wants to save you into an eternity of Paradise with Himself. Only those who believe in the sacrifice He made on the cross will be allowed to spend forever in His presence. Romans 8: 1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Won’t you let Him love you before He returns for His harvest!!!

Least of the Least

I came into the world as one of the least of the least – an orphan. I know what it feels like to have nothing: no mother, no father, no brothers, no sisters, not even a last name I could call my own. My earliest memories are only ones of fear, anger, terror and a deep sense of hopelessness. Before the age of two years old, I had been passed around at least three to four different times starting in an orphanage to foster care. At times I felt like an unwanted piece of human garbage. It felt like being in hell. They said I was an extremely sensitive child. Maybe it affected me more deeply. That I do not know.

I sit today at this keyboard only in the grace and power of the Living God. If it had not been for his presence in my life, I do not know what would have happened to me, death I suppose. I was semi-suicidal at the age of 17.

But mercy upon mercy, God was so good to me. From an early age on, I can remember being able to lay down in the grass, look up at the sky and feel a strong presence with me. God is real, and God is good. He loves us so passionately, profoundly and deeply. You should allow Him into your life. It is His strength, power and grace that got me through some really terrible times. Praise God!! Won’t you let Him into your life today.

Happy New Year!!!

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I hope and pray this year has started off fairly well for everyone or if it has not that things will get better for you as it goes along. Mine started off with some sickness but I’m slowly getting better. At my age, it takes a little longer for me to get over things, but God is good, and He helps me with everything!

I had another dream a few nights ago. When God gives me these dreams, they are always like ultra high definition TV except even more intense in detail and color. They’re always so beautiful.

In it, I could see a treasure chest sitting on a floor in front of a curtain which was glowing with this beautiful, thick, warm golden light. The chest was encrusted with gold and layers of different kinds of glistening jewels. I’m not sure what He was trying to tell me except that if you are a believer in Him you are like a unique, beautiful treasure chest to Him full of His treasures to you. You are rare and valuable to Him.

So maybe this year as believers we are supposed to get out and share our gifts with this very needy world. Let God fill you with Himself and share His treasures with the world!!

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