Chewed Up and Spit Out

I was born into this world with no home. I was an orphan, traumatized and abused. I had the hot breath of Satan in my face from the second I popped from the womb. But after 68 years of life and getting to know God and Christ better, I have come to believe in some ways it was a blessing. When life chewed me up and spit me out and left me empty, it personally pushed me to pursue a heavenly Father more than if I had had a great childhood. I believe that may be one of the reasons God allows suffering, to make us more needy and desperate for Himself. When you search for me with all your heart, you will find me.

So even if the whole world turns its back on you, you have a Heavenly Father who adores and passionately loves you. Let the power of Christ and His Spirit fill you up. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Won’t you let Him love you into Paradise before it’s too late?

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For B. Micah

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Here is my beautiful grandson, Baric Micah. He looked like a little angel the day he was born. He had this perfect skin, golden hair and big blue eyes, but as his life progressed, at the age of 1.5 years we knew something was wrong. A few months later he was diagnosed with autism. Unfortunately, he will never be very high functioning. The whole family loves him so very, very much.

When God wants to test you, He can really test you. Our family received a diagnosis of his autism, my cancer and my son-in-law’s father’s cancer all within about 5 months. Unfortunately, his father succumbed and died later that year. But God is good. Baric is getting therapy, I am doing well after two rounds of cancer treatments, and we know that my son-in-law Jamie’s dad is with Christ because he was a follower and believer in Jesus.

Here is a poem I wrote about Baric. He at times is communicative with us and at others lost in his little autistic world.

Golden Boy
(For Baric)
What do you see
As you laugh upward
Into a sunny sky?
I sit nearby, guessing
At what flies before your face.

I sit, watching, listening as you
Play enthralled by what only,
Privileged as you are, is revealed
To you, my child.

Squealing, laughing, giggling
You jump and play.
Has Heaven opened its gates to
Dance only for you today?

Do angels wave and shout in joy
At the foot of His golden throne
Just for you alone?
Do heavenly creatures entertain you,
but by us mere mortals unknown?

I sigh heavily,
Wishing I could see and be
just as you!