Hell and then a Touch


I started life as an orphan. My birth mother would not give me up for adoption so I was kept in the system sort of in limbo. My first home was an orphanage, but because I was not developing well I was then put into foster care. Before the age of two I was moved around at least 3 to 4 times. It was like being in hell. I felt like an unwanted piece of human garbage. I have known a total vacuum of love or lovelessness.  Fear, pain and despair were the emotions I remember best.

I did later get adopted, but my adoptive mother did not quite know how to deal with a damaged child. She was an emotionally troubled person herself so I did not get the healing I needed. I carried over the same damage and emotional problems into my adulthood.

As problems came, and they come to all of us, I did not know how to deal with them very well at times. I felt very empty on the inside. I remember praying very deeply at times. God heard those prayers. I at one time had decided to fast for the first time in my life and did it to honor God’s goodness in my life. I don’t know why He decided to do what He did except out of the goodness of His heart.

The night of the fast I was suddenly awake in the middle of the night. The intense heat started at the top of my head and slowly went down until it engulfed my whole body. I lost all physical sensation. I was aware only of the beating of my heart. It lasted for about a few minutes and then slowly subsided until it was completely gone. I have never experienced anything like it ever again with any of my other fasting. I believe God touched me that night. Out of the kindness of his heart. I was going through a very dark time in my life. I feel He did it to encourage me when I needed it most.

In your darkest times, place yourself into the hands of the living God. He loves you more than anyone else ever will. Praise God!!!

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