Not about Me(Purchase)

logopresence

There is only one entity that can lift you up out of the slime pits of hell, and that is the Holy Spirit. When Satan literally is trying to destroy you—-and remember he doesn’t want to just give you a little boo boo, he wants to rip you to shreds——only the Holy Spirit of the Living God and Christ has the power to destroy Satan’s influence and effects in your life. Saturate yourself in Him. I had a horribly abusive start in life and was put into a home where I unfortunately never quite felt really wanted or loved. If it had not been for the presence of the living Christ in my life, I might have done myself in.

Watchman Nee says to kill off your old self, crucify yourself every morning in order to allow Christ to completely and totally live in you. Apostle Paul says It is not I that liveth but Christ that liveth in me. When you go under the waters of baptism, it like being buried, and you don’t bury something unless it is dead. We are to be new creations, totally new. The old man of sin and death was destroyed on Christ’s cross.  We will never do this perfectly this side of heaven. It is something we do have to struggle with.

I pray you can draw closer to the Living God. He does love you deeply, profoundly and passionately enough to send His only child to be tortured to death on a cruel, Roman cross. You are very, very precious to Him. Draw close to God, and He will draw close to you. Pray over everything with praise and thanksgiving.

Here is a poem on His presence. May the God of all hope bless your day. Praise God!!

Purchase

It was a purchase divine
In blood and of flesh
Freed from bone,
Ripped and torn.

Separated from life
But still supreme
Before a world lusting
After its death.

Who could know this
small death, one body
Thrown underground
Ripped open for eternity
An infinity of graves!

Spit Out Into Hell

impoverished-child-on-streets

Screenshot from Dante's Inferno video game
Screenshot from Dante’s Inferno video game

 

I came into the world as an orphan from birth with nothing, no mother, no father, no love. I was traumatized and abused both. They said I was a highly sensitive child so maybe it impacted me more than someone else. I remember only fear and terror. I was suicidal a few times, but God stays close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18. Here is a poem I wrote about my experiences. Hope you enjoy. Praise God!!!

Spit Out Into Hell

Alone, wet, cold
Shivering into the wall,
I try to fade, pushing
Into the emptiness inside,
This, an unending terror.

I crouch, attempting to avoid
The inevitable. Knowing it
Will come. Survive, survive,
Gritting the teeth
Hanging on, hoping
reprieve will come
Someday.

Despair, hopelessness
dragging. So worthless,
I deserve only
this joyless existence?

Looking up I scream
someone explain this
Why?

Until a light breaks in,
A gentle presence
Fear brought no longer
a feather-soft presence
ever over my head
hidden, between us only
a thin veil of sky.

Feelings stir
Leaving Hope.
Do Not Give Up.
I AM here.

A Wind lifts
Releasing, removing pain.
Strong, a glowing light
Shines down into
my interior.

A living God, a living
Son.
Wonder of wonders
He wants Me!
Joy begins, grows
Becomes stronger
Passion and Praise flow.
New Life Is Created.

So if I can endure
So can You.
His life can exist
Inside of you.

Remember, loving He spread out
His arms
On a wooden beam.
Death juxtaposed on top of
LIFE!

Strange but I believe
Eternally True.
an answer to the
WHY.
HE can use anything, pain
sorrow
To bring you closer to
joy.
and in the darkness give you
Himself.

Passion but not in Black and White

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Jesus loves us so profoundly, deeply and passionately that he left a place so wonderful we can’t even begin to imagine its beauty, and He did it solely for us. He allowed himself to be tortured to death overnight and into the next day for our sakes. He was beaten almost to death, flogged and then spiked to a piece of wood. He loves us totally and completely. The poem below I wrote about the depth of His love for us. Hope you enjoy and may God bless your day. Praise God!!

In Black and White

Small minds reduce
our Lord’s Glory
to mere words on a page.

Life is not lived in
Black and White!

All life contains
A struggle.
Sad, happy,
Pain, Joy,
Misery and Glory.
Passion.

Our Lord knew this
And for this
He died.

But not in
Black and White!

Chains

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Sometimes we might not understand the chains of Christ, but that doesn’t mean we can’t trust that He is doing what is best for us. Praise God!!

Chains

In a dark cell
Alone,
Knees bent to the dirt
I speak your name,
Your chains embrace
My body.

Velvet, caressing at the start
Then biting, burning
Stinging
But the joy that comes
With each sting,
The presence of your
Face!

Cold steel against
Soft, warm flesh
Painful yet enveloping
In ecstasy
As they tear, shred into
My heart
Then raise me from the
Dead!!

Death comes as it
Must
You destroy only to
Raise to perfection
In glory,
Newness from the ashes
Of life once gone astray.

Music and in Living Color

group-of-african-american-slaves-singing-on-a-southern-plantation-ADWBN9

 

Sometimes I have very vivid dreams. I was dreaming early this morning about my old job when all of a sudden without warning I was in the middle of a large group of black slaves. It was so vivid. It was like watching a movie. I could see everything so clearly. I don’t know why I was dreaming about this. Maybe from the Lord, maybe not.

Anyway, they had been loaded into the back of an open air wagon pulled by a horse. There was the sense they were in the process of being moved from one place to another, and they were singing this song. I could hear their rich, deep voices singing as they were riding down the road. It was this:

Oh, what do you do when you need Jesus?  What do you do when you need Jesus? What do you do when you need Jesus?

Lord, take me home soon. Take me home soon.

Lord, take me home soon. Take me home soon.

The music was beautiful and the sound powerful. Everything was in color. The men were wearing white pants and shirts and the women were in colorful dresses, some in yellows, some in oranges with white kerchiefs around their necks. It was very moving. I could sense their pain.

I woke up and could not get the sound of the music, the words and their voices out of my head. In spite of their pain, they were looking to their Lord for their comfort.

Christ is everything. He is the Lord of this life and Lord of the next. In our pain, He wants to be close and intimate with you and be your comfort and to give you his power, strength and His joy. People talk so much about the gifts of the Spirit such as speaking in tongues, prophesying, teaching, giving generously, healing, but oh, the fruits of the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. NIV

These are the core essence of the Living God. He is trying to turn us into Himself. Hallelujah, Praise God!! May He bless your day.

After Seven Years. . . Finally!!

After seven years of being run down and sick from two rounds of surgeries and chemotherapies for cancer, I finally, finally got to ride my bike on our beautiful greenway system we have where we live. It meanders along a river and even through an old civil war battlefield. There are a few small waterfalls along the way. A number of spring wildflowers were in bloom and long the riverbanks you could see the remains of large, ancient trees.

Life can be difficult, but with the grace, mercy and strength of God we can persevere. Sometimes you just have to lean into Him really intensely.

Our family has had a very difficult ten years. It started out with moving out of our family home we had lived for twenty-seven years which was stressful in itself. Only a few months after that our daughter went through an unhappy divorce. Not long after that she met someone else and married them which was a happy event. Only a few months after the marriage she came up pregnant with our first grandchild, a beautiful little boy, Baric, another happy event, but within his first year we could tell something was wrong. He was not developing the way he should. Three months after his birth, my daughter became pregnant again.

While she was pregnant with our second grandchild, Baric was diagnosed as being autistic. Only two months after that diagnosis, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer and immediately had surgery and a year of chemotherapy. Four months after my cancer diagnosis, my son-in-law’s father was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. Unfortunately, he died within the year.

While I was on chemotherapy, my wonderful granddaughter, Rylan, was born. I got to come off all the drugs. My daughter moved to another town for my son-in-law’s job, and because we love being close to our only child, we also decided to move close to them to help with our grandchildren.

But it happened again. Right after we sold our condominium and during the process of moving my cancer came back for a second time. We moved on one day, and four days later I was back in surgery. Again, I had to have chemotherapy, not quite as much but still more drugs. I, of course, made it through. Whew, that was a lot in ten years!! It makes me tired to think of all of it.

If it had not been for my faith and closeness to the living God, I could not have made it through nor could any of my family. I’m so grateful to still be able to help with the children. May God show you today in this day the same love, mercy and grace that He has just shown us. Praise God, Christ and the Holy Spirit!!!!

Priorities

We as Christians in this rich country of America sometimes have our priorities mixed up. There is nothing wrong with having a few nice things in life and some pleasure, but we should never forget the oppressed, the unloved or the weak of this earth.

I came into life as an orphan having nothing. When I look in the faces of oppressed children, I see myself. If you want to be Christ to this world just go out and love it, especially hurting children. There are so many charities for children. You can even give online!

Again, God never meant for this world to be the way it is. There’s nothing wrong with a little pleasure and fun in your life, but we should not place too much importance on who wins what golf tournament or football game, the size of our house or car.

Want to be Christ to the world? Just go out and love it! Have a blessed day and week. Praise God!!!

All for an Apple??

forbidden-fruit

Often people say they don’t want to believe or don’t believe in God because He allows suffering. All of the suffering came into man’s life because we chose it. God warned us and told us if we ate of the tree or in other words disobeyed His command we would suffer and die. But we chose to listen to the wrong voice and fell hard into a world where we no longer lived in a perfect paradise.

The world is the way it is because we are what we are. And we chose this. We were living in perfection with someone so wonderful and with the most beautifully loving and kind heart, but we spit in His face and said “No, I want to do it my way.” In other words we rebelled and listened to the wrong voice.

God is just allowing us to have what we chose. It was our choice to turn away from His perfection. God allows the bad suffering in the world but does not cause it. That’s a huge difference. He is allowing us to reap the consequences of our poor behavior and our poor choices. If He did not allow suffering, how else would we learn the consequences of our poor choices. Please don’t blame God for our bad behavior.

Also, the question is not why does God allow the suffering, but why do we allow it? Just think of it, except for the physical illnesses and natural disasters, all other pain is caused by how badly we treat each other and refuse to love the way we were created to love. So where is our responsibility in all of this? Man has to accept the responsibility he plays in all of our pain.

May God Bless Your Day.