Spit Out Into Hell

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Screenshot from Dante's Inferno video game
Screenshot from Dante’s Inferno video game

 

I came into the world as an orphan from birth with nothing, no mother, no father, no love. I was traumatized and abused both. They said I was a highly sensitive child so maybe it impacted me more than someone else. I remember only fear and terror. I was suicidal a few times, but God stays close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18. Here is a poem I wrote about my experiences. Hope you enjoy. Praise God!!!

Spit Out Into Hell

Alone, wet, cold
Shivering into the wall,
I try to fade, pushing
Into the emptiness inside,
This, an unending terror.

I crouch, attempting to avoid
The inevitable. Knowing it
Will come. Survive, survive,
Gritting the teeth
Hanging on, hoping
reprieve will come
Someday.

Despair, hopelessness
dragging. So worthless,
I deserve only
this joyless existence?

Looking up I scream
someone explain this
Why?

Until a light breaks in,
A gentle presence
Fear brought no longer
a feather-soft presence
ever over my head
hidden, between us only
a thin veil of sky.

Feelings stir
Leaving Hope.
Do Not Give Up.
I AM here.

A Wind lifts
Releasing, removing pain.
Strong, a glowing light
Shines down into
my interior.

A living God, a living
Son.
Wonder of wonders
He wants Me!
Joy begins, grows
Becomes stronger
Passion and Praise flow.
New Life Is Created.

So if I can endure
So can You.
His life can exist
Inside of you.

Remember, loving He spread out
His arms
On a wooden beam.
Death juxtaposed on top of
LIFE!

Strange but I believe
Eternally True.
an answer to the
WHY.
HE can use anything, pain
sorrow
To bring you closer to
joy.
and in the darkness give you
Himself.

Priorities

We as Christians in this rich country of America sometimes have our priorities mixed up. There is nothing wrong with having a few nice things in life and some pleasure, but we should never forget the oppressed, the unloved or the weak of this earth.

I came into life as an orphan having nothing. When I look in the faces of oppressed children, I see myself. If you want to be Christ to this world just go out and love it, especially hurting children. There are so many charities for children. You can even give online!

Again, God never meant for this world to be the way it is. There’s nothing wrong with a little pleasure and fun in your life, but we should not place too much importance on who wins what golf tournament or football game, the size of our house or car.

Want to be Christ to the world? Just go out and love it! Have a blessed day and week. Praise God!!!

Chewed Up and Spit Out

I was born into this world with no home. I was an orphan, traumatized and abused. I had the hot breath of Satan in my face from the second I popped from the womb. But after 68 years of life and getting to know God and Christ better, I have come to believe in some ways it was a blessing. When life chewed me up and spit me out and left me empty, it personally pushed me to pursue a heavenly Father more than if I had had a great childhood. I believe that may be one of the reasons God allows suffering, to make us more needy and desperate for Himself. When you search for me with all your heart, you will find me.

So even if the whole world turns its back on you, you have a Heavenly Father who adores and passionately loves you. Let the power of Christ and His Spirit fill you up. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Won’t you let Him love you into Paradise before it’s too late?

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No Mistakes

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I started life as an unwanted, unloved orphan. Before the age of 2 years old, I was moved around to at least 3 to 4 different places, an orphanage to foster care, to live with none of them feeling like home. I have known lovelessness, a vacuum of love. It felt like hell. So I have known hell, and believe me, you do not want to go there.

Because of this lack, I was left feeling like I was a mistake, that I did not even deserve to exist. My adopted family did go to church, and there I would hear them say ‘God does not make mistakes’. For a long time I did not understand what they were talking about. As I got older and got to know God and Christ better, I understood at last they were talking about me. I was no mistake. I am not a mistake. God loves me and you and you and you. We are not mistakes. All our lives matter to God the same which is very, very much, in the extreme and more than I can comprehend.

At some of my dark times, I would feel like I was in the middle of a strong storm and the only thing to hold onto was the cross of Christ. That proved to be my anchor. I knew that Christ would not have died for me if I did not have an extreme value to Him. His life down here on this earth and His sacrifice gave me a sense of worth and value.  His love may go deeper and wider than we can understand, but it’s there.

I hope and pray that you can come to understand this deeply personal and intimate love of the living Christ. We are his passion, you and I. Won’t you let him love you into Paradise today! Praise God!!!

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