Spit Out Into Hell

impoverished-child-on-streets

Screenshot from Dante's Inferno video game
Screenshot from Dante’s Inferno video game

 

I came into the world as an orphan from birth with nothing, no mother, no father, no love. I was traumatized and abused both. They said I was a highly sensitive child so maybe it impacted me more than someone else. I remember only fear and terror. I was suicidal a few times, but God stays close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18. Here is a poem I wrote about my experiences. Hope you enjoy. Praise God!!!

Spit Out Into Hell

Alone, wet, cold
Shivering into the wall,
I try to fade, pushing
Into the emptiness inside,
This, an unending terror.

I crouch, attempting to avoid
The inevitable. Knowing it
Will come. Survive, survive,
Gritting the teeth
Hanging on, hoping
reprieve will come
Someday.

Despair, hopelessness
dragging. So worthless,
I deserve only
this joyless existence?

Looking up I scream
someone explain this
Why?

Until a light breaks in,
A gentle presence
Fear brought no longer
a feather-soft presence
ever over my head
hidden, between us only
a thin veil of sky.

Feelings stir
Leaving Hope.
Do Not Give Up.
I AM here.

A Wind lifts
Releasing, removing pain.
Strong, a glowing light
Shines down into
my interior.

A living God, a living
Son.
Wonder of wonders
He wants Me!
Joy begins, grows
Becomes stronger
Passion and Praise flow.
New Life Is Created.

So if I can endure
So can You.
His life can exist
Inside of you.

Remember, loving He spread out
His arms
On a wooden beam.
Death juxtaposed on top of
LIFE!

Strange but I believe
Eternally True.
an answer to the
WHY.
HE can use anything, pain
sorrow
To bring you closer to
joy.
and in the darkness give you
Himself.

Passion but not in Black and White

christoncrossjesus#3art-1703880__340

Jesus loves us so profoundly, deeply and passionately that he left a place so wonderful we can’t even begin to imagine its beauty, and He did it solely for us. He allowed himself to be tortured to death overnight and into the next day for our sakes. He was beaten almost to death, flogged and then spiked to a piece of wood. He loves us totally and completely. The poem below I wrote about the depth of His love for us. Hope you enjoy and may God bless your day. Praise God!!

In Black and White

Small minds reduce
our Lord’s Glory
to mere words on a page.

Life is not lived in
Black and White!

All life contains
A struggle.
Sad, happy,
Pain, Joy,
Misery and Glory.
Passion.

Our Lord knew this
And for this
He died.

But not in
Black and White!

Of Nazareth

crossforpoem

People like to argue over what they perceive to be inaccuracies in the Bible. For example, how no one could seem to  find the location of Nazareth. In recent years, however, because of archeological discoveries, the location of Nazareth has been found. I wrote this poem thinking of this small, ancient village. Hope you enjoy it and have a blessed day. Praise God!!

Of Nazareth

Small, dirty
Slumbering at the foot
Of another, greater
larger, yet you persist
unrivaled in your beauty.

Overlooked, unpursued
By a world entranced
By power, lust, its greed
You slept waiting,
Dozing in your dust.

Until chosen by a power
Not understood by man
Wearing your unseen crown
You nurtured heaven’s
Purpose for all life.

He walked your streets
Breathed in your light-filled air
With every glance, smile
Literally dropped onto, littered your streets
With His glory.

What a King!! To leave
a throne of blazing glory,
enraptured within, carrying,
bringing the breath of heaven
To fill your ancient streets.

But it was just this
the tenderest, gentlest
Grandest deed ever performed,
This to become
Of Nazareth
That touched our human hearts.

A Prayer

 

Dear God, Creator, of all the Universe and Beyond

I give you all the praise and honor. Thank you for being who you are, for the beauty of your face and the beauty of your great heart. Thank you for the gift of your one and only Son and your Holy Spirit. Praise you God for who you are!

I pray your blessing and protection on all of your churches world-wide, your family, and the people trying to lead them closer to you. I pray we could all be more of what you want us to be so that it is not I that liveth but Christ that liveth in me. I pray especially for the church of my country, America, that we would be less caught up in the culture and more caught up in You, Holy Lord.

I pray for your whole world that every soul on it could come to know you as their Lord and Savior and come to know how much you love them. May we as your church show them your love! I pray this in the name of your most beautiful, gracious Son,

Amen.

Half a Sigh

sigh2

It never ceases to amaze me how old I am. I feel like I shouldn’t be any older than thirty something, but unfortunately, the calendar tells me I’m 68 going on 69 this spring. It goes by way too fast. People used to tell me that, and I didn’t believe them, however, now I do!! Don’t take your life for granted. Put it in God’s hands. Let Him love, protect and direct you. Have a blessed day. Praise God!!

Half a Sigh

A blip, a beep
On your eternal timeline
God,
All I am
Wrapped up
In half a sigh.

Some go quickly,
Some of us must be
More patient
To wait
For your eternal glory
Held together by hope.

Let go of this world freely,
not a permanent home
where life glows but for a
Moment
Held within the sighs of
promise and Your glory.

Chains

chains1

 

Sometimes we might not understand the chains of Christ, but that doesn’t mean we can’t trust that He is doing what is best for us. Praise God!!

Chains

In a dark cell
Alone,
Knees bent to the dirt
I speak your name,
Your chains embrace
My body.

Velvet, caressing at the start
Then biting, burning
Stinging
But the joy that comes
With each sting,
The presence of your
Face!

Cold steel against
Soft, warm flesh
Painful yet enveloping
In ecstasy
As they tear, shred into
My heart
Then raise me from the
Dead!!

Death comes as it
Must
You destroy only to
Raise to perfection
In glory,
Newness from the ashes
Of life once gone astray.

The Eternal Now

gloryofgod#2

 

God is eternal and unchanging, always with us even when we are not aware of His presence. Unseen physically, but not unfelt. You can be as close to Him as you desire. He will never turn you away. He will be closer than a brother. His love is absolute, deep, passionate, profound, unchanging and perfect. He is with you every second and every heartbeat. He is your Eternal Now.

An Eternal Now

An Eternal Now
Looming on the horizon
Getting closer as I view
My life and thoughts.
Beauty unsurpassed
Intertwined within this life.

Lingering to watch
And hope for such
A life
Of pure joy and wonder
Unexperienced before.

it is Always Today in His
World, God’s level of existence,
Never out of his sight and care,
This Eternal Now!

 

A Distant Peace

 

 

 

newjerusalem#1

 

A Distant Peace

Yearning longing to attain
Glimpses of that far away view,
this for now unattainable Nirvana,
blisses for the soul.

A hole in my pain drenched spirit
Deeper than mere sorrow
Pushes me to seek, strive for
More than my tomorrow of a fool’s gold.

Obliterate my senses, Lord
To this pale shadow of untrue existence,
Touch, taste, sight and smell
Of a world led, corrupted and careening
Toward pleasure and an end,
Oblivious to its vanity and true death.

 

154780-best-heaven-wallpaper-1920x1080-for-computer

After Seven Years. . . Finally!!

After seven years of being run down and sick from two rounds of surgeries and chemotherapies for cancer, I finally, finally got to ride my bike on our beautiful greenway system we have where we live. It meanders along a river and even through an old civil war battlefield. There are a few small waterfalls along the way. A number of spring wildflowers were in bloom and long the riverbanks you could see the remains of large, ancient trees.

Life can be difficult, but with the grace, mercy and strength of God we can persevere. Sometimes you just have to lean into Him really intensely.

Our family has had a very difficult ten years. It started out with moving out of our family home we had lived for twenty-seven years which was stressful in itself. Only a few months after that our daughter went through an unhappy divorce. Not long after that she met someone else and married them which was a happy event. Only a few months after the marriage she came up pregnant with our first grandchild, a beautiful little boy, Baric, another happy event, but within his first year we could tell something was wrong. He was not developing the way he should. Three months after his birth, my daughter became pregnant again.

While she was pregnant with our second grandchild, Baric was diagnosed as being autistic. Only two months after that diagnosis, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer and immediately had surgery and a year of chemotherapy. Four months after my cancer diagnosis, my son-in-law’s father was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. Unfortunately, he died within the year.

While I was on chemotherapy, my wonderful granddaughter, Rylan, was born. I got to come off all the drugs. My daughter moved to another town for my son-in-law’s job, and because we love being close to our only child, we also decided to move close to them to help with our grandchildren.

But it happened again. Right after we sold our condominium and during the process of moving my cancer came back for a second time. We moved on one day, and four days later I was back in surgery. Again, I had to have chemotherapy, not quite as much but still more drugs. I, of course, made it through. Whew, that was a lot in ten years!! It makes me tired to think of all of it.

If it had not been for my faith and closeness to the living God, I could not have made it through nor could any of my family. I’m so grateful to still be able to help with the children. May God show you today in this day the same love, mercy and grace that He has just shown us. Praise God, Christ and the Holy Spirit!!!!

But. . .And that’s a big But

orphan2impoverished-child-on-streets

Life down here on the face of this planet can get terrible, horrible and hellacious. All you have to do to have proof of this is to look at the children living in desperate poverty, women caught up in human trafficking and children caught up in child prostitution rings, and the list goes on.

My own start in life as an orphan was terrible and traumatic. I too can understand suffering first hand from my own life as most of us can. It can be at times so difficult to almost impossible to understand intense levels of pain whether it’s physical or emotional. It can feel so devastating——but, and this is a Big But, God sees and knows your pain. He loves you completely and totally. He is there in the middle of your suffering and can turn it around. Pray deeply over your situation. Stay connected to a spiritual community that can pray for you. Prayer demolishes strongholds!!

We all ask why the pain. I still cannot understand all of that mystery, but do not leave out the but God is there with you in the middle of the pain. Paul in Romans 8 says in the middle of his suffering ‘I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us’. The sting of pain in this world does not come close to the glory of our new life we will have as believers in Jesus of Nazareth and his power and glory. Revelation describes our new earth and new Jerusalem in such vivid terms of unimaginable beauty. 1 Corinthians 2:9 says What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him. Could it be that in comparison to heaven’s stupendous, fantastic beauty all our pain down here will be as if we had only slightly stubbed our toe?

The pain of life down here is real, and I by no means would belittle the suffering of anyone. It hurts, and this does not mean we should not try to alleviate suffering whenever it is possible for us to do so. We are to be the hands and feet of God and Christ. Three of the most beautiful words in the Holy Scriptures are God is love 1 John 4:16. Further down in verse 21, And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. (NIV)gloryofgod